AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
