TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize