I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
