That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
