Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
