How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
