So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
