uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
