I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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