Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
