I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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