That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize