I'm drive I can fine osifer
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The feeling are messing with the penis
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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