I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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