Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
