Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
