I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
