I'm eating all of the evidence.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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