Who wears a wallet chain?!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
