it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
