you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
