I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
