Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
