i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am one with the molecules
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
