I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize