So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
