it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
