All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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