Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
