the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
