Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
