I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
