i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
