im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
