I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
