we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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