What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
