K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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