Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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