i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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