I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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