Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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