brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
