I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
