he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
