I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We left an ass print on the piano.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
