one word: firstdatebathroomanal
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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