Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
