u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
