Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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