lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we made out on top of his cat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
