So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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