I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
