No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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