About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
