Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
