Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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