Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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